10 Effective Conversation-Starters for Couples
Communication is an essential ingredient in any relationship. For couples, rich conversation makes their relationship delicious. It’s what builds connection and creates intimacy. For couples who’ve been together for a while keeping conversations fresh and interesting can take some effort.
If you want to keep your conversations fresh and avoid telling each other the same stories, one effective solution is to try conversation-starters. By asking a few new questions, you’ll learn there’s always more to discover in the person you love.
Here are several ideas for opening a dialogue that reignites curiosity, affection and interaction:
- What’s your earliest childhood memory?
Most couples didn’t get to share childhood together, so there’s a wealth of experience just waiting to be tapped for conversation. Asking your partner about an early memory means you get to find out what left an imprint and why. You also gain insight into a part of his or her world that helped shape who your significant other is today.
- What do you remember most from our early days of dating?
Here’s a question that can take you both back to your budding love — that place where your connection began.
Even better, as you listen to your partner recall happy memories, it may surprise you with what’s remembered, not to mention help stir up fresh affection for you both.
- What’s one of your favorite memories from our wedding day?
Recalling milestones in your relationship is a great way to discuss the happy moments you’ve shared. If you’re married, your wedding day is especially meaningful. Ask your spouse what stands out about that memory and enjoy it from another perspective.
- If you were given the chance to relive one day of your life, what would it be and why?
Maybe your better half would want to revisit a major milestone such as graduation, the birth of a child or your wedding day. Perhaps he or she would like to relive a day with a parent or grandparent who passed away or even an event from high school or college. You’ll never know until you ask.
- Do you have any dreams you wish you could pursue? Are there ways I could help you try them?
Most adults have abandoned dreams still lurking somewhere inside them. Do you know what dream your partner longs to pursue? It could be something outlandish and surprising and you’ll get to be playful and imagine together. Or, it could be practical, such as taking a class, and you can be the encouraging voice to help your partner get right on it.
- When was the last time you felt appreciated?
People don’t always verbalize their feelings unprompted. By asking your partner about what has encouraged and affirmed him or her, you may be surprised at what you hear. You’ll also learn how you can offer up additional support.
- When was the last time you felt sad?
Likewise, if your partner lets you in and tells you what’s been hurtful and discouraging, you’ll get a sense of what’s truly important. What prompts tears? What feels significant enough to change a mood? By asking…and listening, you get a chance to learn.
- If you could turn back the clock ten years, what would you tell your younger self?
This question offers your significant other a chance to assess and evaluate a decade of life, giving you a window into his or her regrets and wisdom gained. This can also start a conversation about moving forward with new information and insight.
- Say you won an all-expense paid trip to anywhere in the world, and you can’t consult me before picking the destination. Where would you go?
Find out what travel destinations are on your partner’s dream list. Couples who have spent a long time together will often be so used to asking each other about preferences that it’s easy to miss what each one likes. Let your partner know you care about what he or she wants.
- If you had to pick three people, who would you say you most admire?
There’s a lot to be said for admiration. The people you highly regard are often the people you imitate — intentionally or not. Ask your partner who he or she looks up to and why. You’ll discover what qualities he or she values.
The 10 ideas listed are merely the beginning for prompting meaningful conversations with your partner. Be curious. Ask questions. Invite discussion and keep learning. Continuing to discover each other is what helps your relationship feel alive and exciting year after year.
Wow! These are such great tips!
Thank you, Anne, for this illuminating article… ♥♥♥
Guest Blogger Bio
Anne Hancock, PsyD, is a prominent relationship therapist and founder of Wellness Counseling Center. A licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Hancock specializes in working with couples and families. She has a doctorate in Psychology and a master’s degree in Marriage and Family Therapy. Hancock always works from a wellness-oriented, non-pathologizing point of view — which means no blame, no shame. In addition to couples counseling services, Hancock also conducts personalized two-and-a-half-day couples intensives.
Professional Background: https://thewellnesscounselingcenter.com/team/anne-hancock/
Thanks again! We hope to see you back on ILRB sometime.
As always, happy reading, everyone! 😉 Have a great weekend!
1 thought on “Ten Effective Conversation-Starters for Couples: a guest post by Dr. B. Anne Hancock”
This helped me a lot. A great thank you for this
LikeLiked by 1 person