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Book Feature with Q&A: Learn to Love by author and psychologist Dr. Thomas Jordan

I am pleased to announce a great book by Dr. Thomas Jordan, an author I met during my journey! This talented writer and psychologist is stopping by to tell us about his relationship guidebook, Learn to Love, which released back in December of 2019!

Woo hoo! It’s always fun to discover romance authors and books.

Thomas is allowing us a look at this helpful read, Learn to Love, today.

Nice cover!

This is the blurb for Learn to Love: Guide to Healing Your Disappointing Love Life.

Learn to Love: Guide to Healing Your Disappointing Love Life by Thomas Jordan, Ph.D. was written as a guidebook for people who are not in control of their love lives. Readers who are experiencing repeating love life disappointments and/or resigned to living without love in their lives, will find this book especially illuminating and thought-provoking. Dr. Thomas Jordan, a New York City psychologist/psychoanalyst, has been studying the psychological ability to form and sustain a healthy love relationship, and treating the ways people unwittingly repeat love life disappointments learned from the unhealthy relationship experiences they’ve had in their lives. Learn to Love explains how and what we learn about love relationships, and describes a highly effective method of stopping the cycle of repeating love life disappointments and/or resignation, when what we’ve learned was unhealthy. Dr. Jordan’s method has helped many of his patients make improvements in their love lives, as well as improvements in his own love life.

Book Info:

Author: Dr. Thomas Jordan

Release Date: December 8, 2019

Genre: Self-Help, Love & Romance, Relationships, Non-fiction

And here is an excerpt to tease you with...


This is not a book about love. This is a book about love relationships. About the relationships we form, healthy or unhealthy, when we fall in love. A healthy relationship nurtures love, an unhealthy one stifles it. Furthermore, the type of relationship you tend to form in love is not something you are born with. It is learned, consciously or not, and it’s usually unconsciously learned. That means most of us don’t know consciously what we’ve learned about love relationships.

Here’s where it gets really interesting. Consider the divorce rate, around 50% according to the latest statistics. You have a 50/50 chance of getting divorced when you marry, that’s considered no better than chance. If the relationship you form when you marry is determined by what you’ve learned in the course of your life, then, if you found out what you’ve learned about love relationships, could you then change it and learn something else? Improve your chances of finding and sustaining love beyond just chance?

This question has been on my mind for quite a long time. A long time because I did not have a ready-made answer for it. It took years of clinical research to come up with a tentative understanding and years more to find some of the indisputable facts provided in the pages of this book. The answer to the question, by the way, is a resounding yes. If you know what you’ve learned about love relationships, you can change it and improve your chances of finding and sustaining a healthy love relationship. Otherwise, what you’ve learned stays in charge of your love life, unbeknownst to you. The trouble is, a healthy love relationship may not be the objective of what you’ve learned.


Thomas Jordan | Learn to Love

Most of the time we talk about love as a coveted state of mind and heart without an understanding or even an awareness of what it takes to have and hold onto a healthy love relationship. We’ve relegated love relating to something innately given and taken for granted. We don’t bother to think that our love lives like any other important area of our lives have dynamics that are understandable and can be improved upon if necessary. I’ve learned that a big part of the problem is what we learn about love relationships in the bosom of our family of origin. If you haven’t already noticed, it has only been in recent times that our society has had the nerve to question what happens in family life and its connection to how well or unwell we feel. We used to just leave that alone.

Now that the “family of origin” is understood to be a primary source of what we’ve learned about love relationships and other important topics of interest, we can now take a closer look at this earliest of emotional classrooms and begin to understand what was learned there. Believe me, our purpose is not to aimlessly disrupt this sacred place. But to find the information we’ll need to understand and own our own love lives.

Dr. Thomas Jordan 

New York City, 2019 

Wow, this sounds like quite a read!

Purchase Link:

Universal Reader link:


“An amazing find for learning about how to develop and maintain healthy love relationships. The content is informative and provides a well-structured guide for fleshing out problems and resolving them to become a better version of you in your love relationships.

Thomas Jordan, Ph.D. provides expert analysis of what a love relationship is and isn’t. He then leads us through the discovery process as a professional complete with exercises to further our learning on our own or by following his offerings: seminars, webinar, and private consultation.

The book is built upon his clinical research over the course of his thirty-year practice and his personal experiences. The outcome has substantial value to us for envisioning, learning, and creating the love life we desire.

This book will teach you something about your love life and broaden the chances of your finding and sustaining a healthy love relationship. A 21st Century Love Relationship Class that provides the training we need in today’s world. A must-read!” CB, Amazon

“The book we all need to read. I found it revealed a lot about how I, and others I know, create and then struggle to form long-lasting, meaningful relationships with partners we are truly satisfied with. It is an interesting and informative book, which looks at how we unconsciously affect the relationships we develop with each other. Many people struggle to maintain relationships and long for the perfect match whether they are in a relationship or not. Love is something we perceive is all around us, but it is so elusive and seems unattainable.

But is it? At the heart of this book, we can discover how to define and understand love. It examines why it is so difficult to obtain and why many of us strive to keep it. It also studies unhealthy love and the constant disappointment this has on our lives. The author has excellent writing skills and provides readers with valuable guidance and advice. It also includes significant practical exercises that I found to be much needed, compelling, and important. I highly recommended this amazing book. It has changed how I look at relationships and showed me how I can improve my own, and I’m sure it will do the same for you.” – Elle Alouette, Amazon

“This book is an opportunity to examine yourself and your love relationships and how you can change. The book is effective for the reader when you admit that you need to make changes. I had to be honest with myself and access my willingness to change. Looking at what I was doing wrong was the hardest part of the assessment. Once I knew the problems, I had to be willing to put in the work to correct them. This book is a guide to identifying your problems, and using the tools outlined in the pages to change them. The hardest thing you will do is change. The book is easy reading and a guide to trying to get this crazy thing called love right.” John DiClementi, Amazon

“GOOD READ…… this book gave me valuable insight on my love life, my behaviors and how both are showing up in my life and in my relationships. GET THIS BOOK – IT IS A MUST HAVE!!!!!!!!!!” K. Needham, Amazon

“Dr. Jordan discusses Love from a learned and re-learning perspective that is easy to read and understand. Great book!” Aisha, Amazon

“What did Dr. Jordan have to say about love relationships? In a nutshell, our relationship choices are often based on the types of relationships we had in our family of origin. It’s likely that a person who was abused as a child will find a way to become an abuser or take on the role of the victim in his or her romantic relationships.

This recreation of past hurts isn’t really a new concept. However, Dr. Jordan takes the idea a step further and proposes that once we realize this, we can change it. The types of unhealthy relationships are discussed as are their healthy counterparts. There are questions to help you determine what types of interactions you are repeating so that you can work towards finding healthy and whole love relationships.

The material is simply and clearly presented in terms that everyone can understand. In conclusion, I feel that Learn to Love: Guide to Healing Your Disappointing Love Life by Thomas Jordan, Ph.D. is a book that should be read by those in a relationship, those looking for a relationship, and those who have ended a relationship.” C.E. Flores, Amazon

Fantastic! This looks like such a helpful guide. ♥♥♥

(Rapid knock on the studio door.)

(Marie frowns.) Who could that be? I’m not expecting a package or anything.

(Footsteps approaching.)

Oh, my! Wow, I didn’t know you were coming…

This is even better, readers. We have the author, Dr. Thomas Jordan, who just dropped in for a quick visit. Let’s give him a warm welcome!

It’s great to have you here, Thomas. Please come and sit down for a sec.

Author and Dr. Thomas Jordan:  Hi, Marie! Thanks for letting me stop by.

Marie:  Of course, it’s my pleasure! So nice to meet you, by the way! (Starts to shake hands with her guest, then laughs.)

Oops, that was out of habit. Almost forgot about social distancing. Bad Marie!
Damn, I left my hazmat suit at the cleaner’s and it’s not done yet…

All right, I’m just over here. Really, I don’t think you have cooties or anything. We can never be too safe, right?

Dr. Jordan:  (Smiles.) Great to meet you too.

Marie:  Well, I hope you don’t mind if I ask you a few questions while you’re here?

Dr. Jordan:  Sure, no problem!

Marie:  Great!

Can you tell us a little about your background?

Dr. Jordan: My grandparents were born in the Azores Islands and settled in New Bedford, Massachusetts. I grew up there and came to New York City to attend graduate school and post-doctorate in 1979. I now live and practice as a clinical psychologist on the upper west side of Manhattan with my wife Victoria, who is also a mental health professional, and our son Bradley.

Marie:  Nice!

A lot of readers love origin stories. What inspired you to start writing?

Dr. Jordan: First and foremost, I have always loved to read. Especially books that not only explained something interesting, but tried to help the reader solve a problem. I love the idea of a book communicating ideas that help readers improve their lives. I wanted to try writing helpful books myself.

Marie:  I think it’s always fascinating to see where the muse takes us as writers… 😉

How did you get into writing self-help books?

Dr. Jordan: As a psychologist, I realized that people aren’t always open to changing themselves. There are people who would benefit from psychotherapy or counseling, who avoid it because they are not quite ready to look at themselves and make changes. I think that’s where self-help books come in handy. Some people are willing to read about a problem and perhaps use what they’ve learned to not only begin solving their problem, but be willing to let someone help them after they themselves have understood the problem better. Self-help books have a very important role to play in helping people become receptive to and begin the process of self-improvement. 

Marie:  True!

So…what, do you feel, sets Learn to Love apart from other books in the genre?

Dr. Jordan: Learn to Love: Guide to Healing Your Disappointing Love Life is quite literally, the result of not only years of clinical research and effective treatment of people with love life problems, but also the result of improvements I made in my own love life. The ideas and method I talk about in the book, I applied to my own love life with very positive results. After years of repetitive disappointments in my love life, I identified a few mistakes I was making, and made a few corrections. Victoria and I have been married for 26 years. I personally know it works. Learn to Love is my way of sharing what I know will improve a love life with the general public.

Marie:  Awesome!

(Phone rings.) 

😥 Oh, no, it looks like our guest had to take a personal call outside. I guess I’ll have to chat with him via email when I get a chance. A safer option for sure, at least in these uncertain Coronavirus times!

But meanwhile, let’s have another glimpse of this relationship guidebook, Learn to Love

Dr. Jordan:  Oh, I missed it. Sorry to run off like that.

Marie: It’s okay. I was just wrapping up things here. We’re getting short on time…

Dr. Jordan:  In that case, I’ll leave you with a brief message.

Thank you so much for having me on your blog. I hope you find Learn to Love a valuable resource!

Marie: It’s my pleasure, and I’m sure we will.

Thank you for telling us about your romantic guide, Dr. Jordan! I know I can’t wait to delve into this helpful read!

Readers, don’t forget to grab a copy of this book, or add it to your Goodreads or BookBub list!

Learn to Love looks great! ♥ We’ll be sure to check it out!

Author Bio

Dr. Thomas Jordan is a clinical psychologist and psychoanalyst in private practice on the upper west side of Manhattan. He is a graduate of the New York University’s Postdoctoral Program in Psychoanalysis, Clinical Associate Professor of Psychology, and a faculty member of the post-doctoral program. Dr. Jordan is the creator of the Healthy Love Life Seminar, author of Learn to Love: Guide to Healing Your Disappointing Love Life, ‘Healthy Love Relationship’, and Individuation in Contemporary Psychoanalysis, and co-founder of the Love Life Learning Center website. He specializes in the treatment of chronic love life problems. Dr. Jordan has been researching and treating unhealthy love lives for 30 plus years.

Author Links




Amazon Author Page:





Thank you for telling us about your great book! I know readers can’t wait to get ahold of this relationship guide!

We hope to see you back on ILRB sometime. 

Happy reading, everyone! ♥♥♥ Have a lovely weekend!

2 thoughts on “Book Feature with Q&A: Learn to Love by author and psychologist Dr. Thomas Jordan”

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