Why Erotica Is the Missing Ingredient in Your Romantic Life
First, I want to explain what I mean by ‘romantic life.’ I don’t mean to sound like the beginning of a cheesy maid of honor speech, but the definition of romantic is an idealized view of reality. Inherently, a ‘romantic life’ is something that we align with perfection, even if our own romantic lives are far from perfect. We strive for fantasy, knockout love, and passionate sex. Some even believe that romantic love is the meaning of life itself, putting even more pressure on something that is out of our control. Romance is unexpected, a whimsical surprise when our reality matches our ideals in a perfect opportune storm.
How do we reach romance when we aren’t looking for it? By learning the language of our own fantasies well enough so that eventually, the world catches up. When people think of their perfect romantic situation, they tend to imagine a version of themselves that doesn’t exist. Mr. Perfect may be just around the corner. But you aren’t Mrs. Perfect, so how will he ever find you? Rather than changing ourselves to match our ideals, I think it’s healthier to examine the roots of our fantasies. Why are we attracted to Mr. Perfect and what do we want from him? At the end of the day, the answer is sexual because our sexual drive is what separates a platonic life from a romantic life.
Getting to know ourselves sexually is one of the most important things we can do for our self-esteem, sex lives, and romantic lives. Erotica is truly one of the most perfect tools to do that, and here’s why. Firstly, stories about sex employ masturbation, which is the ultimate way we can get to know how our bodies respond to sexual stimuli. Secondly, it gives us new ideas that we have never thought of before, and those ideas may add to our interpretation of our own desires. It’s like having a brainstorming session centered on your own sexuality.
Sexual fantasy to the extent that erotica provides isn’t always accessible to people naturally. Some people won’t allow themselves to lean into their own vulnerability, even to themselves, due to the social stigma that we’ve been conditioned to adhere to when it comes to sex, fantasy, and masturbation. But, fantasy is so important to our romantic lives. How we fantasize ourselves sexually relates to how we want to be positioned in romantic relationships.
For example, fantasizing about being rescued…it will inform our attraction to heroic types.
People tend to fear fantasizing because they are afraid of their own perverseness. No matter how silly or ‘wrong’ the fantasy is, it’s still important to learn from it. Knowledge, especially knowledge about your own drives, is power. Moreover, we may learn something about ourselves that deviates from what ‘Mr. Perfect’ might adhere to.
What if perfection isn’t actually what you’ve been wanting all along? In this way, getting to the heart of your fantasies is an ironic way to stay more grounded. The truth of the matter is that Mr. Perfect often isn’t Mr. Right.
Using erotica as a tool to empower you, get to the bottom of your authentic self, and learn about your own sexuality will bleed into your romantic quests more than you realize.
Subtly, it will take on a life of its own and project itself into your interpersonal relationships. This way, you’ll begin to attract the person who is actually right for you. When you catch Mr. or Mrs. Right – after getting to know yourself – you’ll find that your sexual passion will lift up your romantic life to a new ideal that is more suitable to your reality.
Some great food for thought here!
Thank you, Gabi, for this useful article, offering a look into how reading erotica can help tap into our unknown fantasies, and keep our minds open to finding the right partner in life… ♥♥♥
Guest Blogger Bio
Gabi Levi is an erotic artist who runs Shag Story, a sexy site where art meets erotica in groovy 70s stylings.
Thanks again! We hope to see you back on ILRB sometime.
As always, happy reading, everyone! 😉 Have a great weekend!